How To Bake A Confetti Cake Without Dropping The Baby (In Real Time)

8:20 AM Baby wakes up. You wake up. Smile back when he gives you a big, beautiful, good morning smile. Still sleepy and chronically tired, you still feel that Baby is better than coffee. Feed Baby, change his diaper.

8:56 AM Walk around the house with Baby opening one blind at a time saying, “Good morning kitchen!” and “Good morning dining room!” and “Good morning living room!” and “Good morning hall and the pictures on the wall!” All the while you’re thinking about the cake you are going to bake today. It’s SC’s 30th birthday.

9:00 AM Pump boobs for any remaining milk while Baby sits in his rocking chair in front of you and plays with his firefly toy. This, the pumping, prevents blocked ducts. Life of a nursing mom. Think it’s weird that Baby watches you pump and wonder what he might think about this domestic tableau. ‘That stuff always tastes better than it looks.’

Playing with firefly as mom pumps

9:12 AM Baby lets out giant, wet fart. Blows through diaper. Change his diaper and outfit and go to town on the stained onesie with a stain remover. Baby smiles through the whole thing.

9:31 AM Baby eats some more and falls asleep at the boob. You worry about how he associates boob and eating with sleeping and wonder if there are dolls that look like a giant stuffed boob made with organic cotton for Baby to use as teething/soothing toy for when/if you try the Ferber sleep training in about a month or two.

9:45 AM Shower.

10:00 AM Eat breakfast, Wheetabix and soy milk, while finishing the rest of the latest episode of New Girl. Started it on Wednesday. Still haven’t finish watching the 22 minute sitcom. And when is Nick and Jess going to realize that they are two air filled balloons rubbed on a carpet and electrostatically attracted to each other? Kinda hope they never do. Much funnier that way.

10:12 AM Surf the web for a confetti cake recipe. It’s SC’s birthday and all he asked for was confetti cake, his favorite. Print out recipe for a confetti cake. There’s a good one on a website called Sweetapolita. Nice pictures. Plan the rest of tonight’s dinner. Take out frozen chicken tenderloins from the freezer to defrost. Chicken parm and bean salad and arugula salad with pecans, dried cranberries, and goat cheese. Make a grocery list.

10:53 AM Baby wakes up. Sing and play with Baby on his new play mat.

Baby lounging out on his brand you big boy play mat

11:32 AM Feed Baby. Dress him to go out in his white shearling onesie. Give him a dozen kisses for being so cute.

Getting Baby dressed to start running marathon of errands.

11:55 AM Off to the grocery store. Haver briefly in the car about whether to go to the way cheaper and farther Market Basket or way pricier and closer Whole Foods. You have no time.

12:15 PM Circle parking lot for a while and then park illegally. No time. As you walk into grocery store with baby in car seat on grocery car, you realize you forgot your list.

12:44 PM Whole Foods has the lamest vegan organic sprinkles. Refuse to buy them. Pick up some of the ingredients and takeaway hot food from their hot food bar. No time to make lunch. Hesitate over the chicken wings; they could be good or very bad. Grab two.

12:51 PM Go to Trader Joe’s. Baby on the grocery cart is being an angel. Ask a sales clerk where you can find the sprinkles. Sprinkles? she asks. Yes, sprinkles, you say, you know, the stuff you put on cakes and ice cream. For kids, you explain further to her confused expression. Well, she says, we don’t have sprinkles, but I know we’ve got chocolate covered sunflower seeds. Keep a straight face and say thanks.

12:58 PM Baby starts to nod off. He’s so perfect.

1:00 PM Go to CVS. Baby in his car seat doesn’t stir. They don’t have sprinkles. You have to piss like a race horse. So you haul your ass out of there with Baby in his bloody heavy car seat.

1:05 PM Go to Fresh Pond Market on the way home because there’s a toilet there, at home, that is. You really have to piss like a race horse. You’ve been pounding back the water since waking up because that’s what nursing moms have to do to ensure sufficient milk production: stay hydrated. But you stop at Fresh Pond Market as last hope for goddamn sprinkles.

1:08 PM Make flash decision to leave Baby sleeping in the car with the doors locked while you run inside to see if they have sprinkles. Oh, thank the Lord Almighty! They have sprinkles! Oh good Lord you have to tinkle! Run back to the car. Baby is still sleeping.

The rarest of ingredients: sprinkles

1:12 PM Get home, lock the car, run into the house, and use facilities before coming back out to get Baby and groceries. Thank God you didn’t pee in your pants, which is a minor miracle in itself because your kegels haven’t been up to par since giving birth and bladder control’s been a bit spotty lately. Had you done so, you would have had to change your pants which you don’t have time for. Baby continues to sleep. You recall a friend with two small children saying, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish in an hour.” Until Baby came, you never really knew the value of an hour. This is particularly true today.

1:15 PM Eat lunch. Chicken wings are actually tasty, but you don’t care for them that much. It’s like when you see an good looking man, but there’s no attraction. Ever since the pregnancy, you’ve had a aversion to chicken wings, your former favorite bar food. Now that you’re no longer pregnant, they still don’t tempt you. Weird.

1:22 PM Start baking the cake. Read the recipe. You have to wait for the milk, eggs, and butter to come to room temperature. The milk and eggs you immerse in warm water, but the butter is going to take a while. You cut it into cubes to help them along. Grease and line with parchment paper the two cake pans. Open, drain, and rinse the canned beans. Separate the eggs. You discover you’re short on sugar. Use half cup of powder sugar as replacement. Stand there watching the butter come to room temperature too slowly. You don’t have time for this thermodynamics crap.

Watching the cubes of butter come to room temperature.

Everything ready to go except for the damn butter

1:40 PM Baby wakes up. Smile back when he gives you a big good afternoon smile.

1:55 PM Feed Baby.

2:20 PM Put Baby in rocking chair in front of you and let him play with his firefly toy. You have a feeling he’s going to spend a lot of time there today. Add still-not-quite-at-room-temperature butter to the dry ingredients. Keep fingers crossed that it turns out anyway.

2:30 PM Put cakes into oven and set timer for 20 minutes.

2:34 PM About to clean up, but you look at Baby. Forget it. Ask Baby if he wants to read a story. He does! Read Dr. Seuss’s ABC. He loves its.

2:45 PM Put Baby on play mat. Play airplane.

playing airplane with Baby

2:50 PM Baby makes all kinds of cute cooing and squealing sounds as he plays under his play gym while you clean up.

2:58 PM Take cakes out of oven and onto cooling rack. Dress Baby back into white shearling outfit and into car seat. Off to see the OB.

Confetti cakes on cooling rack

3:36 PM Park the car and wait for elevator. A woman tell you Baby is adorable. You know, you think. Thank you, you say. Four minutes early for the OB appointment. Yes. Baby is being a bit fussy so you give him a pacifier and swing the stroller side to side. He falls asleep. Is this baby awesome or what?

Baby sleeping at doctor's appointment

5:20 PM Doc was seriously delayed and took forever. Jesus Christ Almighty. You don’t have time for this. You nursed Baby, who woke up while waiting with you in the examination room, and afterwards did a little dance with him and sang him songs. He had a great time and then later flirted with the nurse and doc besides.

5:28 PM Stuck in traffic. Baby fusses. He’s tired. Reach behind you, feeling blindly for the pacifier and poking Baby in face to get it in his mouth. Body remains in twisted position to hold pacifier in place; Baby likes to spit it out for fun then wants it right back in his mouth. Let arm go numb from poor circulation due to awkward arm positioning while you drive with the other hand.

5:58 PM Get home. Shake out arm.

6:05 PM Put Baby in rocking chair in front of you and let him play with his firefly toy. Feel guilty for asking him to play with the same toy all day. He’s also not had a decent nap since 9:30 in the morning because of all the errands. You feel more guilty. But he just keeps smiling at you, even though it’s obvious he’s tired, as you talk to Baby about icing cakes as you put on the crumb coat.

Leveling and icing the cake with crumb coat

6:12 Put cake in fridge to set crumb coat.

6:13 PM Get Baby’s bath ready.

7:07 PM Finish bath. Walk around the house with Baby closing one blind at a time saying, “Good night kitchen,” and “Good night dining room,” and “Good night living room,” and “Good night hall and the pictures on the wall.” Sing him “Noble Duke of York”, read him Olivia, feed him, and bounce him to sleep. You worry about how he associates bouncing with sleeping and wonder…. You don’t have time to wonder.

7:39 PM Come out of Baby’s dark room bleary eyed and sleepy–nursing always works like a sedative on you as much as Baby.

7:41 PM Finish icing the cake. Get sprinkles on the cake as well as everywhere else. Sweep up sprinkles as best you can.

Sprinkled birthday confetti cake.

7:54 PM 30 candles on the cake. Looks great. Looks amazing, actually. It is the greatest cake you’ve ever made. It’s the cake you made without dropping the baby. You almost can’t believe you did it. Nearly 12 hours since you woke up that morning and it’s finally done. Take pictures.

Candles on the cake and ready for lighting.

8:01 PM Talk to sister while dredging and breading chicken tenderloins. Finish making chicken parm, bean salad, and spinach salad.

9:29 PM Finally finish making dinner, including clean up. Set table with cloth napkins. Hide cake to surprise SC. Stand in the dining room with a glass of wine in hand, too tired to lift the glass to lips.

10:02 PM SC gets home from work. His cheeks are flushed pink with cold and glasses are fogged up. Both of you are exhausted, but grateful for the delicious meal.

SC, the pooped birthday boy just before blowing out his candles

10:42 PM You bring out the cake all lit up and warming your face, 30 candles generating a somewhat alarming amount of heat. You sing Happy Birthday. Like Marilyn Monroe. Just kidding. Happy Birthday, Babe.

Confetti bake lit up with 30 birthday candles

The party continues on the inside with little dots of colorful sprinkles.

11:05 PM Offer to clean up everything while birthday boy takes a shower.

12:03 AM Briefly consider birthday sex. Look at each other bleary eyed and smile. Hilarious. Go to sleep.

* * *

For more pictures, visit Saveur Days’s Flickr.

This recipe comes from Sweetpolita.

4 thoughts on “How To Bake A Confetti Cake Without Dropping The Baby (In Real Time)

  1. Funny. Thanks Hairee. I especially, like the pacifier, back of the seat imagery and ‘shaking the arm out’ oh and of course the ever persistent, bladder issues that will be with you for about 6 months post birth (8 months when you have your second and I dread to think about what will happen after the third). Haha. Sounds exhausting but that baby seems very cooperative. No screaming and only one pooping incident; you are a lucky girl, my friend and clearly a good mommy.

  2. I can relate to “Let arm go numb from poor circulation due to awkward arm positioning while you drive with the other hand.” I’ve had a lot of days like this–busy as hell, and then you look back and think, “Did I actually do anything today?” At least you made that cake.

    1. Believe me, there’s usually no cake involved. And I feel the same way most days: I have no idea where the hours went. The baby is suddenly in bed and its 8-ishPM and the day’s done.

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