Relationship Contract

“There have been reports of a ‘relationship contract’ that Ms. Chan reportedly insisted upon several years ago, guaranteeing her one two-week trip abroad a year (why didn’t I think of that), plus spending one date night and 100 minutes together a week, ‘not in his apartment or at the Facebook office[.]'” This was reported in The Globe and Mail‘s article on Mark Zuckerberg’s marriage to Priscilla Chan, his longtime girlfriend.

Chan and Zuck (Associated Press)

Given what I assume is Zuckerberg’s busy schedule, which I assume was the motivation for Chan drawing up such a contract, I thought this was a great idea for myself with respect to Squeezable Companion and his surgical resident schedule.

Here’s one:

THIS AGREEEMENT is made and entered into this 5th day of June, 2012, by and between Hairee Hayden and Squeezable Companion, residents of Cambridge, Massachusetts, who shall be collectively known herein as ‘the parties’. The agreement is also known as a ‘relationship agreement’.

I. Effective Date of Agreement. This Agreement shall take effect only upon the lawful the marriage of the parties to one another. Further, the effective date of this Agreement is the date upon which the parties are legally married.

II. Date Night.

A. Definition of “Date Night”. As used in this agreement, the term “Date Night” means spending at least 120 minutes per week together outside of the house, and that doesn’t include the yard, where 90 of those minutes must be consecutive.

B. Conversation During Date Night. The parties cannot talk about the pregnancy or the child once he’s born or work.

C. Sexual Relations During Date Night. Sex is not excluded from date night. As per clause II. A., however, if there is sex during date night, it must not be in the house or the yard.

D. Mood During Date Night. The party must be in the good mood even if that means convincingly pretending to be in a good mood. In the words of the Jesuit priest, Loyola, ‘Perform the acts of faith and the faith will come.’ That is, pretend to be a happy clam to be on date night, if both members of the party are not already, which is more likely the case than not, and the party will become happy clams to be on date night.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, we each sign the foregoing this agreement, do it willingly and as our free and voluntary act for the purposes herein expressed, and further state that we are each eighteen years of age or older, of sound mind, and under no constraint or undue influence.

_________________________________        ________________________________

Hairee Hayden                                                                  Squeezable Companion
Dated: _____________ ____, 2012                       Dated: _____________ ____, 2012

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