How to Have a Shotgun Wedding, Part 2.2 of 3: Still Getting Geared Up

Get Rings (2 Days Before Wedding)

This is a story of coincidences. What the hell are you talking about? This whole series is about bizarre seemingly meaningful timing.

You picked up your wedding bands the other day, but the one you chose for SC is far too big. And don’t you think it’s a bit too skinny? Doesn’t it look feminine to you? No, it looks like David Beckham’s ring. You show SC the H&M underwear commercial and freeze frame it on his wedding band. It looks just like the one you chose.

It’s 6:20 in the evening and you and SC have forty minutes to get to the jewelry store before it closes and find a ring for him for Saturday. You both run for the train, but just miss getting through the doors. He’s sure that was the train to get you there, but you’re determined to have the rings sorted tonight. People are flying in tomorrow, there are last minute errands to run, packing for the hotel, you have plenty to do without having to deal with the rings. So you ask him to wait with you and see if the next one comes sooner than expected.

Not soon enough.

Because while you’re waiting to catch the train to get to the jewelers to find the right wedding bands for your marriage on Saturday, the girl your fiancé had been pursuing before he met you appears on the platform.

You’ve never met her, but you know her name. He says hello and you plaster on your best open, friendly face and impress yourself by not giving your surprise away when he introduces you. The reason her name even came up between you was that at one point he hesitated about cutting her loose once you became involved.

So meeting her now brings back the insecurities you felt back then when you discovered that he might still have a lingering investment in another woman.

Rationally it shouldn’t matter anymore. You’re engaged. He wants to marry you. You are carrying his baby. The wedding is in two days. You’re in love. It’s also been over a year since you both resolved the issue of this woman who is now riding the T with you and making small talk, who congratulates you when SC tells her you are getting married on Saturday, who gives SC a hug before getting off her stop and gives you a hug too just to prove how amiable she is. Bitch.

And now here’s you going prego nuts on the subway:

You cannot believe this is happening! as if the surprise pregnancy and the shotgun wedding weren’t enough, now this! because you missed the train by a second, a measly second, the ring’s too big, you’re constipated again and you need to fart, but you’re in a closed space, the store will probably be closed when you get there and you’ll have to somehow find the time to do all the things you need to do tomorrow and add this errand to the list, you’re so tired, you get so tired so quickly lately, a symptom of being “with child,” a term you hate because you’re not actually with a child, but more like stuck with a child, and not even a child, the things not even a fetus yet, oh and did I mention that the minister wants you to stop by the church tomorrow with your mother and sister and future brother-in-law, and ironically none of you except Mom is religious? And now you have to deal with this turn of fate.

What makes it worse is that you don’t know why you’re so upset. SC asks you what’s wrong and you want to rip his head off, but your rational mind knows it’s not his fault and this really has nothing to do with him. You’re so confused about your own reaction that you can’t talk to him without sobbing from frustration and heartbreak in public.

Thankfully, you have enough presence of mind to get you and SC through the locked door of the jewelery store to pick up another ring, find one he likes, have it sized, get back on the T, go home while he goes back to work to tie up loose ends, and call Best Friend before SC returns home.

By this time you’ve figured out why you are upset. You explain to Best Friend though sobs that seeing this woman, seeing her with SC, brought to the surface your anxieties about the shotgun wedding. The biggest of these is that you fear SC doesn’t really want to marry you, but now feels that he has to. Perhaps this is too quick a pace for him, perhaps he wishes he had a bit more time to come to terms with the end of bachelorhood, perhaps with the wedding looming so close ahead, he’s having second thoughts, regretting all the women he hasn’t wooed and bedded. Perhaps that woman on the T reminded him of all that he’s giving up by choosing you.

Okay, do you want me to talk you down from the ledge right now? Reason with you? Yes. Well, that’s just silly. Think of what he’s gaining by marrying you. He asked you to marry him, remember? He wants to marry you. And you’re carrying his baby! He doesn’t care about that girl. He was never even with her. She means nothing to him. Meanwhile with you, he’s getting a fabulous woman and a baby, a family. You’re worries are silly.

When SC gets home, you’re no longer a ledge-walking, hysterical prego. You explain and you cry even though you try not to. The hormones make your tear ducts ridiculously volatile. But you can see from his face that he thinks your worries are silly too.

* * *

Get Family, Get Infantile (1 Day to Wedding)

Mom, Sister, and Future Brother-in-Law fly in. Everything’s going to be all right. You run errands together, meet the minister, and go out for your own private rehearsal lobster dinner. These are your people. They make everything, including the future, feel good, safe. And they are eaters and jokers.

Later that night, SC arrives at the hotel at around ten. The reunion is a montage of two boats being rocked by each other’s wake. Or it’s just one boat rocking everyone’s boat with its wake. It’s probably yours. Someone’s going to get sea sick. It’s probably you.

This is how a stupid argument goes: he says something that doesn’t quite sound right or sweet to you; you’re a hormone ridden pregnant woman who thinks anything other than sugar tastes like lemons; you stomp around the hotel; he tries to calm you down while giving driving directions to his family; you say, I hate you; he doesn’t understand why you’re so angry and now he has to go down to meet his family at the hotel bar for a mini bachelor party; you say, fine, you can read my pregnancy book all by yourself; he says, babe, he’ll read it with you later; you say, leave me alone.

Petulent, short-tempered, crotchety, infantile is how you end the last day of being single, being engaged, being a Lee.

Tune in tomorrow for the final installment of How to Have a Shotgun Wedding, Part 3: Get Hitched.

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